I recently came out of an incredibly dry wilderness. It was an eight year, nearly unbearable time in my life where I experienced profound loneliness and pain. The interesting thing about that wilderness was that I kept thinking that I was healed. Each day in my sadness, I would do my best to help others. Publicly I would try to motivate and inspire but privately I was alone and feeling rejected.
I had a few small successes and helped the hurting but as I look back upon that time in my life, I believe that I could have been more effective if I would have taken the time that I needed to truly heal.
I worked so hard and pushed myself beyond what I ever thought that I could. I created content via podcasts, Facebook shows, tv shows and books. I wrote recipes, started a blog, you name it, I did it. I put myself out there and continued to get hurt. Many of my ideas were stolen as was my money. In hindsight I was working myself into a desperate frenzy and as a result I was vulnerable. The sharks could smell the blood and I was dinner.
The pushback was epic but why?
It was an unprecedented season of rejection because I wasn't ready. The truth of the matter was that it was an incredibly sad attempt to "heal as I went". I wanted to fast forward so badly, to get to the good part. I wanted to be released from the necessary process that would eventually lead me to wellness. All the while, I was exactly where I needed to be. I was perfectly positioned (while creating things to be used later) to receive the gift of wellness. My impatience prolonged my healing because each time that I would take a healthy step forward, I would draw from my already dry well. Now, please don't get me wrong, we are called to help others. But to what end? Would I not have been better to wait just a moment so that when I did give it, it would have been gold instead of bronze?
Friend, I say of all of this to say that your healing is coming. It is on its way. Please don't try to force it. Please don't try to leave the safeness of your wilderness too soon only to be thrown back in. Give yourself the gift of time and let Him truly heal you. You and those that you wish to bless will be better for it.
Sending you love
JoAnn